Since rude comments or any comments are unwelcome at The Unpleasant Times, we have to make do with the Letters to the Editor column. Lollybeth is a lot more fun and a lot more humorous than her mom Lady Lydia.
Letters that do get published are of course duly censored by Lollybeth for form and content.
What if there are not enough nice letters?
Lollybeth says: “Since we did not get enough mail to publish letters from last month, I will have to make some up. Any mail received in the month of August will be published at a later date when I have more mail to add to it. Until then, we thank you for your very great patience and continuing interest in The Unpleasant Times.”
Ms Uspishus asks: Dear Editor, Are your letters to the editor real or just made up?
Rudenx asks: Dear Editor,
I think it is very mean of you to spy on your neighbors. Just because they aren’t as rich as you are doesn’t mean they are beneath you. Also, I think that this letter to the editor business is ridiculous. I think you should open comments and let us have our say, without your just picking and chooseing which things you want to post (which are always just the cheerleaders of your blog). -Rudenx
Dear Rudenx those poor Bumfries are actually Lollybeth’s family!
I’m afraid you wouldn’t be happy if I did open comments–they would be moderated. Then I would get a lot of those anonymous dares: “I know you are not going to post this” with added insults. This blog strives to be as stress-free as we can make it! -The Editor
On her hyper-critical article on people sporting body piercings and tattoos,
Lollybeth says: We received a letter from a reader, which we do not have permission to publish, concerned that perhaps our Etiquette Expert was not promoting compassion in her recent post on piercings. She would like to assure our readers that she indeed has great compassion for the poor people who have holes in their ears, would like to see the practice abolished, and may publish more on this subject in the future.
I am fed up with your blog. You don’t let the rest of us have our say. I think I have the right to be heard at all times. You only post what you want to post. Your “etiquete expert” is rude, the movie reviews are boring (of course–they are boring movies you are reviewing) and you are obviously biased about a lot of things. Why don’t you keep your fluffy mind busy with housework!
P.S. I know you probably will not publish this, but oh well, you’re “Letters to the editor” are probably all made up anyway. I’m not sure I’ll be back in the future. -RX
Lollybeth says: The Unpleasant Times needs a User Agreement. You know, a few dozen paragraphs in small print…some light reading to go with your morning coffee. That way you would have fair warning as to what you are in for when you read this blog, you will know your rights and responsibilities, and be informed of mine as well.
Your crafts look so tacky. Why don’t you just give up and go and buy something.
I hope that you will consider buying a copy of “Stuff I made with Garbage,” by my mother (and perhaps myself) which I hope will be published in the upcoming year. We’ll even sign a copy for you. And if that does not tickle your fancy for shopping, be sure to check out the poster store and books at the bottom of the page!
I can’t get over your obsession with tea parties and tea cups. It is so funny. There is more to life than tea. Why don’t you try a beer? You need to get out and socialize with other people than your family. Liven up!
I would prefer a hot pot of tea with friends, who provide lively, uplifting and intelligent (and innocent) conversation to any buzz or hangover a beer would give me. Tea parties are a wonderful way to socialize! Tea parties with the family are a pleasure! And I am sure I have never seen anyone who exclusively visited with their family, though I am sure that many would prefer the company of their family to many social events the world has to offer them.
Your opinions make me ill! Your advice is terible. You people are sick!
Well, there are those seasonal “bugs” that go around. However, overall I think we have been in excellent health this Summer. I hope you get to feeling better soon! Could it perhaps be something you ate?
The way you go on and on about that child makes me nauseous. Why don’t you get that kid out of those ugly dresses and into some pants where she can actually get up and do something! You remind me of those mothers who put makeup on their daughters and put them in beauty contests. I feel sorry for her having a family like yours.
Oh, and I think your rug looks like it has been chewed on by the dog. I sure won’t be making one of those!
Regarding the baby: I have posted pictures of Miss Lillian in pants twice on this blog. But I am afraid your theory did not hold true in those instances, she didn’t get up an do anything, she just sat there. And I do not have to put makeup on the baby, she is blessed with a flawless complexion that needs no man-made help.
We have no need to take the baby to a beauty contest, as we just had our own. Yes, it is true. We crowned her “Miss Humphrey” this afternoon. She won’t ever have to go to any other beauty contest. Of course, she had an edge, having no competition for the title, and her father does run the contest so there was probably some partiality there. But there was no one to be disgruntled about this, as there were no losers! She also won in all the categories, including “best two front teeth.” I’m not sure that any other beauty contestant could win with only two teeth! And all judges agree that she won in the “roly poly” category as well!
I found it interesting that you would post a picture that looks like “modern art.” If you read your mother’s blog it seems like your family is prejudiced against it.
The pictures by our in-house artist are sort of modern, since he was only born a few years ago. All of our artists improve day by day with practice, and I keep them on staff so that they can eat (you know about starving artists and all that). Perhaps someday we will have another Leighton, in a few years when they have really perfected their skills.
You might be looking at the pictures (particularly the early portrait of Miss Lillian) with an eye skilled in Modern Art. You might be thinking that it really portrays the frustration of the artist and the subject, the way the strokes vary with intensity and the arms are drawn in an aggressive stance. Or, you may be thinking that this portrait shows the feeling of freedom that the artist feels in the way he drew the feet flat and pointing to the left, or perhaps expressed the carefree way in which the subject wears hats.
Well, I don’t’ know about any of that, but I can tell you, he was very smart in observing and expressing that the baby was sort of fat, and wiggly. And he liked the idea that she would wear a purple dress and hat that he saw in a box of my baby things! And I am sure that he loves his sister and that was expressed in the drawing of her portrait.